This post will be short because I've manged to block out a good portion of this day.
We checked into the hospital at 8 a.m. I was taken to a recovery room in the birthing suites. At this hospital, in Scottsdale, Arizona, the recovery rooms were nice and fairly roomy. My room had teardrop on the door--how appropriate.
I changed into a gown, they setup an IV and gave me Oxytocin to induce labor. They offered pain medications of all sorts, including an epidural. I declined all of them.
"Hon, this is labor, you will be in pain as if... well, as if..."
"I know, thank you. I don't know what pain he went through, why should I get any relief?"
She didn't argue. She stared a moment, swallowed hard, and left the room.
Yeah, I blamed myself. I still do because I have no answers to tell me otherwise.
I don't remember anything else except crying, hearing other babies cry, and waiting for my parents to arrive. Around 8 p.m., my mom, dad, and Sara arrived at the hospital. My mom stayed and I gave my dad and Sara directions to the apartment.
I had begun to breathe through a contraction when my mom asked if I had an epidural or any pain medication.
"No, I don't need it."
"Lisa, this is still delivering a baby. No matter how small he is, the contractions are the same."
"I don't care. I'm fine."
My mom kept trying to get me to drink water or eat ice chips while the nurses brought in a second lounge chair that unfolded into a little bed. My mom laid next to me and David at my feet.
They both went to sleep fast and I laid there awake, still waiting.
In the wee hours of the following morning, he was born, April 8, 2005. Tomorrow will be posted tomorrow.
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